Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Fibers of a Relationship...

I’ve only been in love once, but I’ve loved enough to know a working relationship has to be a decision (on the part of both people involved) for it to work. That decision involves fighting for and through the rough patches & those patches are sometimes seasons of miscommunications, financial turmoil, and possibly indiscretion. We never know the fiber, the fabric of our relationship until it goes through something, but if we come out on the other end stronger because of it, it was merely a test.

Over the years, I’ve written a slew of personalized greeting cards for couples when the relationship is working & when it’s unraveling. The dominating theme in all of them was choices. These people “decided” to work through their struggles (together) or walk away because the cost was too great.

I remember watching my sister suffer as I listened to the pain & anguish she had as a result of a marriage that was failing because she was the only one fighting for it. She wrestled with herself, trying to get her heart to catch up with her mind. She knew it was time to let go, but couldn’t. She made excuse, after excuse, after excuse for a man that was utterly disrespectful and arrogant because he could be, after all she was allowing it.

A person can only do what we allow. On occasion, I reminded her who she was, why she was great, and why she was the prize until she had the strength to cut herself out of the lie she was living. It wasn’t easy to convince her in the beginning because she was vested in that marriage. We argued, I cursed (as she defended him), she hung up hoping to silence the truth, but like clock work I called back a week or two later to remind her we can only “fight” for someone that’s “leaning” towards better. He was who he was & she couldn’t change that, ever.

My last attempt was when I asked, “Who will you be in five years if you stay? What amount of self esteem will be left if you stay after the damage of being there allowing him to walk over you?” She left two months later…

We’ve all heard stories of relationships falling apart only to become tragically bitter towards one another. I think we stay (in a lot of instances) because no one wants to be the next story people tell. Some call what they have a relationship because they share a bed or residence with a partner, but truly, it’s an arrangement in which they’ve decided to pay bills together & co-habit.

I remember staying in relationships because I believed I was admitting failure in some way. I know now, some relationships are 6 weeks, six months, six years or for life.

We have to determine who our partners are at their core to know whether to stay or go. Ask yourself, “What is the penalty if I stay?”


  1. I really needed to hear this at this point in my life. Today was definitely a day of reflection for me. Thank you for being so gifted boy!

  2. There some that I enjoy reading and others that speak to me, personally. This one did. Thank you. TC

  3. One of the joys I have in writing is that I have no idea where it goes or who it touches once it's released. Glad you felt this one TC

  4. i will be emailing this post out tomorrow :)

  5. Jadonna (your sisterMay 5, 2010 at 5:25 PM

    Criag Thank You so much, you have always been my best friend, even when we did't see eye to eye, ten years ago I had a struggle to overcome and you were there for me, In 2007 I was trying to hold on to something(someone) that wasn't as good for me as I thought but you saw what I didn't, through all my trials and tribulations your encouraging words always gave me the strenght to pick myself up and look at me and say You Are Worth More And Deserve Much More. THANK YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

  6. parents want to see their children happy-when they suffer you suffer with and for them.thank god you saw the light and was able to move on with your life.we are a strong family and will always have each others backs


  7. Well said sentiments Craig, the last paragraph of this really hit home for me.

  8. so real...... thank you you my brother be blessed .... keep up the hard work you doing to help the people ...