Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Quick Tongue, High Fashion

Most gay men have quick razor like tongues and an exquisite sense of style. I believe the saucy mouth comes from years of being on the defense after being verbally or physically attacked by strangers & the people closest to us calling us sissy, punk or fag. The snappy mouth becomes a defense mechanism. Ones instincts change in a way that you're always prepared for battle.

The sense of style could be argued as an innate gift, but I would venture to say it's a conscious decision to have everything [else] in place so there isn't room for criticism outside of sexuality.

It's no accident that most gay men are physically fit, well manicured, reside in the best homes and drive the latest cars.

Take a moment to think back to your elementary school classmates. The boys that excelled were the gay boys; the consummate over achievers. For the most part, I managed to avoid being called a sissy or faggot because I was likeable, but every now & then my sister, cousins, nephews, or friends got upset with me & they used any derivative of the word gay in an attempt to hurt my feelings. I remember how ashamed, embarrassed and angry I would feel, especially if there were people I didn't know in the vicinity. That anger becomes scars which in turn become internalized homophobia that we carry into our friendships and finally to our relationships. My self hatred was also directed towards other boys or men that I could instinctively sense were gay, especially if they were effeminate.

Our standard for dating is based upon how masculine or feminine one is. Our society has a warped sense of how masculine is defined, and that definition trickles down to the gay community. We identify it as rugged, unkempt, or simply disheveled & that’s the illusion most gay men chase for companionship.

I still struggle with being non judgmental to the most flamboyant gay men that I don’t know personally because it opposes everything we’re taught to believe about being a man. Flamboyance defies society’s definition of the word man. It's the reason straight men hate gay men, and why gay men sometimes hate each other. We use words like queen, sissy, lady to slander one another because similar words were used at one time to hurt us.

The saddest reality is the most flamboyant gay men aren’t fully embraced in the gay club; the one place a queen should be allowed to be a queen.

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