Monday, April 12, 2010

The 30s "Shift"

Something "shifted" inside me when I turned 30. I became less anxious & worried about things I couldn't control. I became a bit more patient & understanding, less judgmental.

The things I needed in my 20s were less important or no longer necessary at all. My needs changed because I was changing, evolving. I began to slow down in the sense that I wasn't living outside myself. Reaching and grabbing for things trying to make success happen faster than God intended for me to have it.

I moved to Atlanta solely to write music. I had no idea it would extend to writing stage plays, and owning a line of greeting cards which allowed me to craft for a celebrity wedding.

I've always known great things would happen to and for me, but I thought I could manipulate it. I figured I could connect the dots faster if I took big risks. I later discovered my path was more difficult than it had to be because of poor choices I made. I thought I had to choose between being an artist or working a 9-5. I opted to be an artist, and that decision caused me to struggle in ways I wouldn’t have had I held on to a job to at least pay the bills. I often found myself living in very precarious conditions worrying day to day, week to week and month to month wondering how I would skip this bill to pay another. Had I been rational, I would've kept the great jobs I had & worked on my craft on the side. Instead, I would leave work (sometimes without permission) to record music with different artists or producers (that had a big name in the industry) because I thought that would be my only shot.

I declined jobs if I thought it would interfere with "my" schedule as an artist or as an entrepreneur. Consequently, I landed in difficult financial dilemmas which led to a functional depression. Publicly, I managed to maintain a smile and jovial disposition, but secretly I suffered.

One of the brightest moments in my career as a writer was debuting "A Day in the Life" my first stage play. The initial success was tremendous. The show sold out & I got lost in the hype. I got caught up in the shine. I totally forgot I had been “chosen” by God to tell this story; to spread a message of hope and awareness. I neglected to consider He could’ve chosen anyone to tell this story. I thought the success was about and for me to bask in. I thought it was so I could buy things, live comfortably. My ego grew. I forgot His instructions, so He took it ALL away.

I was on the brink of touring the show nationally. I met with a national promoter who agreed to take the show on the road, but without warning he disappeared. I believe everything happens for a reason in the spiritual realm & for a reason in the physical realm. In the spiritual realm, God decided I wasn't ready, thus, He set things in motion that would prevent the promoter from following through with a tour. In the physical realm, the promoter didn't call because he was afraid to promote a "gay" show.

Today, I know everything that happens to you, me, us happens for our greatest good even when we can't see how, at first. I know, without a doubt, had my show toured when I was 26 years old, I would probably be HIV positive, arrogant and foolish enough to think I did it on my own. God has a way of protecting us from ourselves…

My struggles have made me wiser, stronger, more compassionate and humble. I've refocused my vision. I know my purpose. I know that I have to trust the process, God's process. I have to be patient with the journey. Never again will I get distracted by the journey, by the setbacks because the end is still the end...

I'm grateful for age. With age, there's wisdom. I look forward to 40! Thank you Jesus...

Follow me on Twitter @therealcstewart


  1. The important thing to remember is GROWTH and UNDERSTANDING and learning the power behind it all!

  2. Thank you for this post... Much needed inspiration... God Bless

  3. Craig, this is so honest. Being a part of your life for as long as I have, I have seen you grow and your path lighten! I can't wait for the world to see how talented you are and how concerned you are to enrich the lives of many.

  4. Well said, my friend, well said. I think all of us who have taken big risks and tried to "connect the dots faster than God intended" can identify with this. Good job on giving voice to the struggle and the evolution...

  5. WOW!! That was brutally honest and revealing. Yet, VERY powerful and inspiring. I too, struggle with "trusting the process" and I also wonder what my true purpose is. Reading this post reminded me to continue to trust God. Thanks for sharing, and keep on writing. I'm sure it must be very therapeutic for you.

  6. (Smiling hard) Anthony, Jewett, and Charlie (Karen), you surprised me. Thank you for the parts you played in my life...thank you for following.

  7. This really touched my heart, as I am going through, being an artist,actress,writer, all the talent God has given me, not me myself! I find I get impatient with God and now I have to learn to embrace the process!

  8. The one important thing that we sometimes forget is patience. Things don't happen on our time, it's in Gods time. It's all timed out before we even know. Keep pressing on and know that your hard work never goes unnoticed. You may not be where you'd like to be currently, but we knew you were a star when u first moved to ATL.

  9. Wow, awesome. Thanks for sharing and inspiring.