Monday, April 19, 2010

Emotional Maturity...

So often, we think a relationship requires us to help our partner become whole, when in fact he or she should be whole when they get to us. We exert so much time & effort pouring into someone that should’ve been preparing for the relationship while they were single, before you even met. Emotionally maturity is a must to have a successful relationship.

We pair with people in relationships who [in many cases] are unable to say, “I was wrong”, “We need to talk”, “I love you”. Thus, we find ourselves surrounded by hammers, nails & screws attempting to craft a foundation for a relationship that will never be stable because one or both parties involved are incomplete. It’s impossible to build or sustain love when there are fundamental problems. It’s one thing to work with someone that’s impatient, stubborn, unorganized or procrastinates, but it’s another when we try to teach him or her core values they didn’t get in their primary years i.e. conflict resolution, which governs every relationship. The success or failure of a relationship is predicated on conflict resolution. Sadly, we miss the moments, the love because we’re being clinical therapists to our partners instead of riding the wave.

Another mistake, I think, we make is promising forever. People have a difficult time selecting an entrĂ©e at a restaurant, yet, make promises of forever. Some relationships are designed for forever others are bridges; connectors to points in our lives through which we should’ve gained more knowledge of ourselves. The only promise I can make is that I will give 100% everyday that we’re together. If everyone involved did that we’d see more longevity.

Most of us never break our relationship patterns because we refuse to sit still long enough to identify the lessons we learned from previous ones. We’re too busy scurrying to the next relationship. Take a moment to think of the last three relationships or long-term dating situations you were in. What are the similarities? How did they end?

We are the common thread in all of our relationships. Identify your patterns and you’ll begin to choose better…

Follow me on Twitter, @therealcstewart


  1. I know of a few who seem to seek out these types of relationships. It's almost as if they feel useful performing the "clean up" job on their mates. Gives them a sense of purpose or something. I haven't seen it work to her advantage yet, and it probably never will. I've been guilty of this myself.

  2. All of my longterm relationships pegged me as a lifesaver. When I finally had a good partner to come along with his affairs in order, I almost missed out because I was thinking I had yet another project. He constantly reminds me that he is not like the ones I used to date and please don't treat him as such!

  3. It sometimes is hard to see a good thing when you've been exposed to so many bad ones...