Monday, April 5, 2010

“The Different I’ve Needed…”

I wanted us to approach this
with the same fervor, yet ease,
in which we approach our friendships.
Those aren’t deliberate, they just are-without calculation.
They happen organically as a result of genuine fondness.
It’s the unmistaken chemistry when kindred spirits connect,
and everything else just seems to fall in place.
No one frets over when you’ll actually get together,
the possibility of the inevitable arguments
(that will occur) at some point in every friendship,
nor do we question how long it will last (the friendship)
because we know the best friendships aren’t or cant be planned;
they simply evolve.
So, for me, the idea was to free fall in the same way.
I believe we approach relationships too cautiously
because of past hurt, past pain.
My plan, for us, was to go into it without fear
that the novelty would expire or
worry the newness would dwindle away & we become regular.
For the first time, ever, I began to feel as if someone
got me on multiple levels;
as an artist; a person; more importantly, as a partner.
He could see my dreams because my dreams are his dreams
with a different slant to them.
In finding him, I found the different I’ve needed.
Before, I settled for the ones that lacked
a sense of self & I thought it my responsibility to save them from themselves…
I thought if they came to me damaged,
in need of repair,
I could fix them…
The return, on my investment,
would be loyalty, longevity, consistency and monogamy,
for me…I thought.
I would soon discover that wasn’t a guarantee.
One epiphany after another led me to realize
that although the players involved changed,
I was the common denominator in every scenario,
and I was allowing people to “choose me”.
For the first time, ever, I’m choosing…
and this time I chose better…
He’s the different I’ve needed in my life…
He’s the antithesis of every person I’ve dated or loved.
I'm no longer the most interesting
part of the equation
because he, too, has carved a piece out of this life for himself
and it’s the perfect complement I’ve needed…