Sunday, April 11, 2010
"Crossing Our Ankles"
We love to cross our ankles at a restaurant and talk about everything & nothing at all. My friend Marvin coined the phrase "cross our ankles" referring to us sitting at a table eating with our legs crossed under the table.
Our conversations get deep, especially if we have a cocktail or two. We debate about big things, little things, and pointless things that carry absolutely no value. We discuss how great President Obama is doing with healthcare (until Calvin chimes in that he needs to focus on jobs), how white America is really angry that he, a black man, is the one to finally get a healthcare bill passed to why so many gay boys wear women's clothes now. Is it a fad? Do they wanna be women? Or, do they think that's what it means to be gay?
The biggest question for me has been and will continue to be "what legacy are we going to leave for future generations of gay people?" Twenty years from now, there should be fewer incidents of HIV infection, more tolerance, acceptance, liberties for gay people, advancement in the fight against HIV/AIDS because we (our generation) existed.
We talk about how the rules of dating have changed with the advent of text messaging. The tendency for people to text you to death with the intentions of getting to know you, but choose to hide behind the text messages.
We continue to wonder why we call gay people "the kids", "the children", "family", "the girls", "the gays", "fags", "faggots", or "faggies" (if you're from Maryland, D.C. or Philly), but without a doubt, the dominating theme of our conversations is "why is it so hard to find quality in one person to have a relationship with if we all say we want it?"
At some point or another, we've all made poor relationship choices out of loneliness, fear of being single fear of waiting for someone worthy, or fear that we'll never find someone else. We get into the habit of giving love & support to people who need it, but don't deserve it from us because they didn't earn it. The only ways, I believe, to avoid "settling" is to have a great support system of friends to occupy us in those "weak" moments & to hold us accountable for our choices. Also, learning to sit still long enough to process what we want, need and deserve in a relationship. It really is ok to be single. That's when we learn our biggest lessons. Most times we jump into something new because we don't want to deal with the pain or reality of the break up, so we try to rush or avoid the pain by moving on before we're ready.
It's a myth to think you get can over someone with someone else.
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