I just spoke to my friend Randy who now lives in L.A. As usual, we got caught up on what's new and what's the same. I told Randy I got a call the night before from "Keith" about 12:30 a.m. Keith did some work for me a few years back while I was working on my stage play, so, Randy also knew him. I told Randy how unusual it was for Keith to call so late because he never had before.
Keith said he was going through his phone and decided to call me because we hadn't spoken in a while. I told Keith it was funny he called because I was thinking about him last week while I was in Washington, D.C. Naturally, he asked what the thought was and I explained that I hinted at behavior I noticed when he and I were working together during my show and I was wondering if he ever caught on. He asked, "What kind of behavior?" in a very I know what you're talking about, but I want to see if you really are on to me kind of voice. Without hesitating, "I knew you were using drugs," I said. He stumbled and stuttered a bit, but he managed to say, "Well, yeah I was using a little cocaine, but I didn't have a problem to the point that I was losing stuff. It wasn't like that..."
"Justification can cost us," I thought. I was amazed at how he justified or better yet, put a barometer on the degree of his drug use. It was no different from how I rationalized using the internet. I would tell myself it wasn't really 'that' bad since I was "fucking" them.
I explained, "But where do you think that begins? People don't start off losing things. There's a process to it." He said, "Yea that's true. You're right." But I wasn't concerned with being right, I simply wanted him to "hear" me and know someone cared. Too often we run into people out and ask "How you doing?" and really have no interest in the response. Not to mention, the members of the clicks we run in are generally contributing and participating in our self destruction.
I went on to tell Keith I wasn't judging him before and certainly not now. "There are so many avenues we can travel down and it takes a strong person to take charge of his life and "choose" not to travel down them or be strong enough to redirect himself if he does; from the drug scene, internet scene, the park and the list goes on," I said. After all, happiness is a series of good decisions.
I told Randy, "Everything happens for a reason in the spiritual realm and in the physical realm. In the physical realm, Keith called me because he was scrolling through his phone and realized we hadn't spoken in a while, but in the spiritual realm God needed to reach him and I delivered His word." I believe God uses people when we ignore the signals He sends us.
I reminded Randy we have a responsibility to catch people when we see them falling. Far too many times we watch people fall into the traps found in [gay] life. Randy said, "One thing I can say about this lifestyle is that it makes you stronger, I can tell you that much! It makes the strong stronger." I replied, "But what about the weak?"
The last thing Randy said before we hung up was, "This lifestyle is a character builder. You either sink or swim." I said, " But these 'girls' are drowning."
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