Friday, June 11, 2010

Give Him a Chance to Call...

There is no secret to dating or finding someone to grow with except being your authentic self because anything other than that is deception.  The biggest mistake, I think, is doing, giving and saying too much too soon. Allow things to flow organically not methodically, and don't be too anxious.  Once you've called him, give him the space to call you back. If he doesn't return the call the same day, so what.  Find something to do with yourself.  You're looking desperate already (if that bothers you) and you haven't had the first date. You have to offer something different! 

We sometimes push too hard when we're in that "anxious" space.  What's the anxious space?  The point at which you're ready to be with someone, settle down so badly because you've been single for awhile or you've finally met someone that interests you so you want to pounce on them. Slow that ass down!

The first date should NOT feel like an interview.  You don't have to find out everything on day one.  It's a progression.  The dating phase is the period to feel one another out.  It is techinically the longest "interview" we'll ever have. You're determining through every phone call and outing whether or not you're compatible; if there's growth potential; a future. 

That anxious space causes some to ask, do and say too much then you end up appearing "thirsty" and ultimately calling or texting too much.  Don't be a junior stalker.  Remember, you too, are the prize. I'm not advising at all to play games, but know the game.  Dating is an art. You want to peek interest.  He can't "think" to call you if you're calling him every few hours.  If a day or so passes without communication, great.  There will be more to discuss on the next date or phone call.  You should ALWAYS assume he's dating someone when you meet; not exclusively, but casually.

Do not break your neck to answer every call. You have a life and you had one before he showed up; so does he!  More importantly, he hasn't earned that level of priority , yet.  Never cancel plans (especially with friends) to be with him. The message you'll send him, you're desperate.  Allow him to make plans with you.  It gives you a gauge whether or not he's interested in you.   If you're always suggesting things to do you'll never know. 

Once you get to the first date, don't go into it trying to impress him. Just be. Be the same person your friends and family adore. A "name dropper" or show off is a turn off! 

Your behavior, his behavior during the dating phase foreshadows what the relationship will be. If he lies now, he'll lie later.  The slate doesn't get wiped clean once you decide to call it a relationship.

(YELLING) LET HIM CALL SOMETIMES!!  Get a hobby.  Have a life outside of him...

Follow me on Twitter: @therealcstewart


  1. Very good advice!! I will be passing this on!

  2. greeeeeat advice for dating dummies 101 or whatever...much

  3. LMAO! @ (YELLING). Great advice. Never make someone a priority that only make you an option :)

  4. great advice. I definitely have a couple young folks to share this with.
    Keep it coming