There is no secret to dating or finding someone to grow with except being your authentic self because anything other than that is deception. The biggest mistake, I think, is doing, giving and saying too much too soon. Allow things to flow organically not methodically, and don't be too anxious. Once you've called him, give him the space to call you back. If he doesn't return the call the same day, so what. Find something to do with yourself. You're looking desperate already (if that bothers you) and you haven't had the first date. You have to offer something different!
We sometimes push too hard when we're in that "anxious" space. What's the anxious space? The point at which you're ready to be with someone, settle down so badly because you've been single for awhile or you've finally met someone that interests you so you want to pounce on them. Slow that ass down!
The first date should NOT feel like an interview. You don't have to find out everything on day one. It's a progression. The dating phase is the period to feel one another out. It is techinically the longest "interview" we'll ever have. You're determining through every phone call and outing whether or not you're compatible; if there's growth potential; a future.
That anxious space causes some to ask, do and say too much then you end up appearing "thirsty" and ultimately calling or texting too much. Don't be a junior stalker. Remember, you too, are the prize. I'm not advising at all to play games, but know the game. Dating is an art. You want to peek interest. He can't "think" to call you if you're calling him every few hours. If a day or so passes without communication, great. There will be more to discuss on the next date or phone call. You should ALWAYS assume he's dating someone when you meet; not exclusively, but casually.
Do not break your neck to answer every call. You have a life and you had one before he showed up; so does he! More importantly, he hasn't earned that level of priority , yet. Never cancel plans (especially with friends) to be with him. The message you'll send him, you're desperate. Allow him to make plans with you. It gives you a gauge whether or not he's interested in you. If you're always suggesting things to do you'll never know.
Once you get to the first date, don't go into it trying to impress him. Just be. Be the same person your friends and family adore. A "name dropper" or show off is a turn off!
Your behavior, his behavior during the dating phase foreshadows what the relationship will be. If he lies now, he'll lie later. The slate doesn't get wiped clean once you decide to call it a relationship.
(YELLING) LET HIM CALL SOMETIMES!! Get a hobby. Have a life outside of him...
Follow me on Twitter: @therealcstewart
Showing posts with label call. Show all posts
Showing posts with label call. Show all posts
Friday, June 11, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
I Got a Call Last Night...
I just spoke to my friend Randy who now lives in L.A. As usual, we got caught up on what's new and what's the same. I told Randy I got a call the night before from "Keith" about 12:30 a.m. Keith did some work for me a few years back while I was working on my stage play, so, Randy also knew him. I told Randy how unusual it was for Keith to call so late because he never had before.
Keith said he was going through his phone and decided to call me because we hadn't spoken in a while. I told Keith it was funny he called because I was thinking about him last week while I was in Washington, D.C. Naturally, he asked what the thought was and I explained that I hinted at behavior I noticed when he and I were working together during my show and I was wondering if he ever caught on. He asked, "What kind of behavior?" in a very I know what you're talking about, but I want to see if you really are on to me kind of voice. Without hesitating, "I knew you were using drugs," I said. He stumbled and stuttered a bit, but he managed to say, "Well, yeah I was using a little cocaine, but I didn't have a problem to the point that I was losing stuff. It wasn't like that..."
"Justification can cost us," I thought. I was amazed at how he justified or better yet, put a barometer on the degree of his drug use. It was no different from how I rationalized using the internet. I would tell myself it wasn't really 'that' bad since I was "fucking" them.
I explained, "But where do you think that begins? People don't start off losing things. There's a process to it." He said, "Yea that's true. You're right." But I wasn't concerned with being right, I simply wanted him to "hear" me and know someone cared. Too often we run into people out and ask "How you doing?" and really have no interest in the response. Not to mention, the members of the clicks we run in are generally contributing and participating in our self destruction.
I went on to tell Keith I wasn't judging him before and certainly not now. "There are so many avenues we can travel down and it takes a strong person to take charge of his life and "choose" not to travel down them or be strong enough to redirect himself if he does; from the drug scene, internet scene, the park and the list goes on," I said. After all, happiness is a series of good decisions.
I told Randy, "Everything happens for a reason in the spiritual realm and in the physical realm. In the physical realm, Keith called me because he was scrolling through his phone and realized we hadn't spoken in a while, but in the spiritual realm God needed to reach him and I delivered His word." I believe God uses people when we ignore the signals He sends us.
I reminded Randy we have a responsibility to catch people when we see them falling. Far too many times we watch people fall into the traps found in [gay] life. Randy said, "One thing I can say about this lifestyle is that it makes you stronger, I can tell you that much! It makes the strong stronger." I replied, "But what about the weak?"
The last thing Randy said before we hung up was, "This lifestyle is a character builder. You either sink or swim." I said, " But these 'girls' are drowning."
Follow me on Twitter: @therealcstewart
Keith said he was going through his phone and decided to call me because we hadn't spoken in a while. I told Keith it was funny he called because I was thinking about him last week while I was in Washington, D.C. Naturally, he asked what the thought was and I explained that I hinted at behavior I noticed when he and I were working together during my show and I was wondering if he ever caught on. He asked, "What kind of behavior?" in a very I know what you're talking about, but I want to see if you really are on to me kind of voice. Without hesitating, "I knew you were using drugs," I said. He stumbled and stuttered a bit, but he managed to say, "Well, yeah I was using a little cocaine, but I didn't have a problem to the point that I was losing stuff. It wasn't like that..."
"Justification can cost us," I thought. I was amazed at how he justified or better yet, put a barometer on the degree of his drug use. It was no different from how I rationalized using the internet. I would tell myself it wasn't really 'that' bad since I was "fucking" them.
I explained, "But where do you think that begins? People don't start off losing things. There's a process to it." He said, "Yea that's true. You're right." But I wasn't concerned with being right, I simply wanted him to "hear" me and know someone cared. Too often we run into people out and ask "How you doing?" and really have no interest in the response. Not to mention, the members of the clicks we run in are generally contributing and participating in our self destruction.
I went on to tell Keith I wasn't judging him before and certainly not now. "There are so many avenues we can travel down and it takes a strong person to take charge of his life and "choose" not to travel down them or be strong enough to redirect himself if he does; from the drug scene, internet scene, the park and the list goes on," I said. After all, happiness is a series of good decisions.
I told Randy, "Everything happens for a reason in the spiritual realm and in the physical realm. In the physical realm, Keith called me because he was scrolling through his phone and realized we hadn't spoken in a while, but in the spiritual realm God needed to reach him and I delivered His word." I believe God uses people when we ignore the signals He sends us.
I reminded Randy we have a responsibility to catch people when we see them falling. Far too many times we watch people fall into the traps found in [gay] life. Randy said, "One thing I can say about this lifestyle is that it makes you stronger, I can tell you that much! It makes the strong stronger." I replied, "But what about the weak?"
The last thing Randy said before we hung up was, "This lifestyle is a character builder. You either sink or swim." I said, " But these 'girls' are drowning."
Follow me on Twitter: @therealcstewart
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